What “innocence of childhood”?

I hear people talk of wanting to be a kid again and how innocent everything was and I cannot relate to it at all. I have never wanted to feel that helpless again. being a child was the most horrible time of my life. My whole childhood was one long horror show…fear an psychotic god…fear a sneaky devil…fear the corrupt USA nuking the planet….fear the tyrannical USSR nuking the planet…my favorite moments from my youth were not things that happened to me personally but things that I experienced via the press: The end of Apartheid, the fall of the Berlin Wall, nuclear arms reduction, the fall of Jim and Tammy Baker, the fall of Jimmy Swaggart…these were the moments that made me realize that there was good in the world amongst all of the evil.